The Conservative’s View of A Gay Friend…

Have you ever been told of something you find hard to believe? Well, I have…just recently. Let me tell you the story…

I was told that a good friend of mine is...gay. Apparently the person who told me this had kept it to himself for a year before finally letting me know that that friend of mine is gay. According to him, he was waiting for the right time to break the news, fearing that my conservative mindset will never allow the friendship with that gay friend to grow if I was told earlier. I don’t know why the informer had badly wanted me to keep that friendship but probably he fancies seeing colorful personalities in my circle of friends. So upon the disclosure of the gayness of a friend, I was at my superficial self where I took it openly, handled it well but before long, I lay miserable in my room all alone, thinking and re-thinking…why does he have to be gay, I asked myself. And what does it mean being gay?

That gay friend of mine does not possess any gay attitude as far as I know. Neither does he appear gay nor talks like one. In fact he has never expressed any sense of gayness to me. I shared a few classes with him in the entire of my undergrad life but not once had he expressed his opinions on, or backed homosexuality. So I was obviously surprised to learn that he is a gay, nevertheless the frail look of his built as well as the fact that I could hang around him without ever feeling uneasy might have given away as clues to the fact that he is gay. I can’t say that those thoughts never did crop up in my mind but each time they did, I brushed them aside, not allowing any single moment to think of possibilities of him being gay.

As soon as I was informed that that friend is gay, I couldn’t help but to try to recollect the past and recall everything that may have revealed his gay-ness. I also wondered if I had said anything anti-homosexual that have hurt his feelings that might have led to his reluctance to reveal his sexuality to me. The whole situation then became complex. I was not only thinking of the past but also trying to foresee what it was going to be like when I see him the following week. I wasn’t sure what sort of gay he is/has become and hence wondered how I should behave towards him, or more importantly, I wasn’t even sure if I could pretend as though things were normal!

The next day I was just getting more and more paranoid with regards to people in general as to whom I can trust according to what I see. Because within 24 hrs of the news I became paranoid and started wondering if all these people on the street that I saw weren’t straight…

To be honest, that gay friend of mine was not the first person I know who is, or have turned into, a homosexual. But I refused to acknowledge “that fact” about him because not only was I preferring to believe that he was just pretending to be one but also of my critical views of homosexual friends that I never wished to think of a friend like him that way.

I tend to have biased perceptions of friends who identify themselves as homosexuals simply because I strongly feel they are just pretending to be a part of this supposedly in-thing without really understanding what goes on in the homosexual world other than knowing it is a world where ‘people are sexually attracted to people of the same sex’. And with such surface understanding of this seemingly developing fad, it would not be wrong if I were to say that becoming a homosexual is thus an unnecessary move (for my friends, at least) as it seems to be aiming at nothing more than purely for the sake of public interest.

Because by identifying oneself as a homosexual I think my friends not only presume they could be provided with instantaneous identity that deputizes passports that immediately relocate them into a changing but controversial society, but also think they are given opportunities to be the society's center of attention for having the power to exploit the controversies of homosexuality and particularly now that it is getting increasing consideration (predominantly gays) from the media and politics for being “oppressed minorities”. And if it was ever an in-thing, my dear gay friends, please do tell me to what extent is it really in vogue to be in the small world of “just men”, playing the gay game in search of fellow man to ‘play and be played with’ as I have yet to understand this as normal, fun looking and cool sounding. Is this the modern sense of fashion and identity?

But with regards to friends who have “sincerely” turned into homosexuals, or are already “serious” homosexuals when I became friends with them, in my eyes they all share something in common: they seemed to have chosen homosexuality over others as a solution to personal problems, more often after losing out in the undeclared but universally acknowledged competition to feel belonged and needed by people of the opposite sex. For some, they seemed to have given up the competition without even competing; where they effortlessly surrendered their sexuality simply by changing its direction, whether or not taking advantage of the fact that homosexuality is a developing fad and an expanding herd.

Changing direction from straight to homosexuality is, as I choose to believe, largely psychological. It is just like how we allow ourselves to be what we think we are, and then we start to feel like one, and act like one and then we get treated like one. And then that’s how we all end up being the person we think we all are. As for me, I allowed myself to believe that girl friends sucks big time (sorry girls!). I directed my expectations and opinions of, as well as behavior to, girl friends in my own way, not realizing that consequentially I shut all trusts and opportunities I had of good girl-girl friendship off my mind. Overtime I became a hardcore believer that girl friendships are never for real and that boys make better friends. Similarly, my sincere homosexual friends are the result of self-controlled minds, given time and opportunities, they ended up being concerned with (in this case, feeling attracted to) whatever they’ve directed themselves at.

Although my homosexual friends may, on one hand, seem strong-minded for having the power to control their mind to homosexuality yet on the other permanently possess an initial failure to general perspective of sexuality that may have overpowered my sights to see them as weak and defeated.

So this gay friend of mine, I’m not quite sure where he fits in though I heard he is a serious gay who, since young, has never possessed any interest in the opposite sex and as of now, goes after another male species for sex. It is a vague account of his gayness nevertheless; I would still persist to prefer to believe that he is just pretending to be a homosexual until I hear about it openly from the person himself. I may seem conservative and stubborn for refusing to accept his seemingly supposed nature. This nevertheless does not prevent me from respecting him as an individual or keeping him as a friend if it was ever true he is a gay. I love all of my friends and am open enough to accepting people of all walks of life in my group of contacts as long as they are of no harm to me. As of now, I probably need a little bit of time to adjust my mindset to accepting the fact that my good friend is gay, but that will also depend on the rationality of his reasons for being a homosexual. Because I believe there are grounds for us to be anything we have directed ourselves to be, but unfortunately to me “having no interest in the opposite sex” is as unconvincing a reason would be as it is easily contested following all rationality even though it may be enough for him to come to pass as grounds to convince himself that it is one reason to be a gay.