Car crash. I didn’t tell parents. (Saturday 07/01/06)

Saturday 7th Jan 2006 8:55am

I was supposed to meet up with Lucy for brekky at Salamanca sq when the car, after a halfway reverse into a lane, broke down in the middle of the sloping lane. I got the car pushed; I got it going down a steep sloping narrow lane where I know of some space I could come to a proper halt. I made some turns, found some space, pulled on hand brake, but car kept moving down slope, accelerating. Seemed beyond my control. I prepared to crash.

It crashed. I was pushed forward. Glasses broke. The next thing I knew was I couldn’t get out of the car immediately, shaken by the whole thing. I looked at my legs and feet. I then grabbed my mobile, which was in my bag on the front passenger seat, and dialed for Lucy.

Stupid move. Very traumatizing.

The week my family was here (Part 2)...

15 Dec, Thursday���Mum, dad and I drove to the airport at 5:30am to return the rented car. Came back with Kenji who sent his mum off at the Hobart Airport for the 6am flight to Sydney. Back in Sandy Bay, shopped for milk and bread at Mykonos. Bought The Mercury too - yay! my name is in the newspaper! Went to pick up the 8-seater rented vehicle at 12noon. Later that day we went up Mt Wellington again, but this time with the entire family. Then we headed for a 1.5hr drive one-way down Huon to Tahune Airwalk.

16 Dec, Friday���Woke everybody up for a trip to a rubbish tip. Not everyone was pleased with this idea. Nunun thought it was like bringing her on a Geography Field trip. At noon, drove dad, Hasan and Asyraf to the mosque for Friday prayer, then we, girls + Kenji, went to the city to check out accommodation availability at Bruny. Later that day, Kenji and I paid Joel a visit because we could not attend his birthday BBQ that will take place tomorrow evening because we'll be at Bruny by then - very sorry Joel.

17 Dec, Saturday���everyone went to Salamanca Market in the morning. We came back home at noon, had brunch and quickly put the things we wanted to bring to our one-night stay at Bruny, into the van. Bad weather that afternoon but we continued with our plan to Bruny. At Bruny, Kenji had some surf, and at sunset, we drove to the Neck to see penguins. Everyone had fun that night, but i reckon none of my family members would forget the palm-sized, rubbery-like spider that got into the van via one of the windows that was winded down...

18 Dec, Sunday���i woke up to a cold morning but my head warmed by the headscarf i put on throughout the night. It started raining at Adventure Bay (our location) as soon as i got out of bed and didn't end soon so we all spent our Sunday morning watching some tv programs in our cabins instead of exploring the site. How unlucky! We checked out on time that morning and left for the Neck Game Reserve (again!) for everyone to see what it actually looked like cuz it was dark by the time we arrived there last night. We arrived in Hobart at 1-ish later during the day, rested, unpacked things and did some laundry. Mum, dad and Asyraf did some packing afterwards.

19 Dec, Monday���I was very sad that morning because some people were leaving. At 9, we all made our way to the airport to bid mum, dad and Asyraf goodbye. On the way, i noticed dad looking very distressed, mum looked OK though. And i didn't get to see the expression on Asyraf's face. As soon as the plane they were on took off, we left the airport for South Arms to see some beaches. We climbed onto some cliffs where we get to see more coastal landforms, and before we left South Arms for the city, my siblings went to collect some pretty seashells for themselves. Later that evening, we all had dinner at Orizuru. It was a good dinner (with heaps of discounts - thanks Shige san!)���

20 Dec, Tuesday���this is the day i bid farewell to the rest of my siblings...we left home at 9 in the morning for the airport (again!), watched them board the plane, and waited till the plane took off before returning to Hobart. I spent the rest of this day indoors, feeling very down, missing my family.

*All pics in this post are downloaded from my bro's file

The week my family was here (Part 1)...

10 Dec, Saturday…I was feeling very nervous. Mum, dad and Asyraf were due to arrive at 9:35am. I left for the Airport at 9, arrived 20 mins later; had ample time prior to their arrival...They arrived. Good to see them. Asyraf has grown taller...We then rented a car and drove to my place where they will be staying for the next 9 days. At my place, i provided them a brief orientation of my home before Kenji and Joel came knocking on my door as requested, and we all left for Uncle Sabri’s. We came back, rested and my parents and Asyraf familiarized themselves to my home environment. They thought Hobart was really cold even though it was summer. Dad started wearing some of my winter hats and mufflers…



11 Dec, Sunday…We drove down Churchill Ave, walked by the wharf and then had lunch at Mures. Dad liked the food there very much; he wanted to go there again before he leaves. We then went to Mako Seafood, a floating seafood market, where mum and dad bought some fish for tonight’s dinner. We drove back home but went back out soon after that and drove to Mt Nelson, then around Bellerive coasts before heading for Coles supermarket in Sandy Bay. Dad shopped a lot!




12 Dec, Monday…Kenji’s graduation, I had to leave home early. At 11, mum, dad and Asyraf joined Kenji, his mum, Miho san and me at uni. We took photos, and then came back home to rest. Sun was strong that afternoon, i got a bit headache-y. But as soon as everything was fine, we went back out again but at 7pm to Mt Wellington. It was very windy up on the mountain. Mum and dad got really scared, so we had to leave the top of the mountain very soon after that. At night, we had dinner at Diana’s. Dinner was great – thank you very much, Diana!! That night was also a reunion for Nurul and me …sweet...




13 Dec, Tuesday…the four of us (mum, dad, Asyraf and i) left home early for the city. I led them to MYER where mum bought a king-sized, microfibre quilt. Then we headed for a souvenir shop at Elizabeth Mall before heading for a car rental shop in North Hobart. We came back for lunch, had enough time to prepare sandwiches to be brought to our trip down Tasman Peninsula. We drove 1.5 hours one-way, with Kenji, his mum and Miho san in another car, leading the way. Along the way, we stopped by many scenic views and saw the ever pretty coastal features and landforms.




14 Dec, Wednesday…my graduation day! Quite a confusing morning with my 3 other siblings arriving in Hobart that morning itself, but things went quite well. After a long day, we then came back home, created some space for the extra 3 to occupy the place, and after that everyone had a nap. In the evening, we all had dinner at Mures with Kenji’s family and Phil before we say goodbye to Kenji’s mum and Miho san who will be leaving the next morning.

Still Here!

This is a badly written 'Brief Update', not something i would probably send as mass mail or even publish as a blog post because it's quite incomprehensive. Truth is, i can't be bothered to think in a more academic way anymore. My brain's tired by now. Besides i have, since the last day of exams, 'retired' from academic writing. Hell yeah. So some parts of this message will not make much sense. Pardon me if so. Anyhow below is my update message to all. Try to understand it even if you can't :)

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hey everyone, it is summer in Hobart. And i am super-tanned, getting more and more tanned as days go by in actual fact. Probably the envy of some white girls who desire the current tanned look. But far from mine because i know i can go very far with regards to sun-tanning super naturally.

Summer here hasn't been much different to the other days of the year except for a longer day and a shorter night, and a far, far stronger sun. But last night, the weather was a bit strange. Stranger in fact, as the other days (of the year, i mean - reason why 'summer...hasn't been much different') were strange enough... Last night at about 9pm, there was lightning and thunderstorms after a brief but strong wind, then followed by hail. It freaked me out a bit. But i did enjoy the sound of hail stones hitting the window pane - something unusual. But then when everything was over, the TV channels at home stopped broadcasting programs, so that was bad. And slightly freaky too. Lucky for me i had a rented dvd of Moulin Rouge to watch. So that wasn't so bad after all.

Life in Hobart has been good, always and forever will i'm pretty sure. I'm still here, enjoying life to the max. I haven't been doing much since exams actually but definitely been doing more than i would when uni was on. Firstly there was the unending Eid celebrations right after exams, with an almost ending Briyani feast (now, that is! - thank God for that because i can't take in that much of Briyani within a very short period of time!!) Other than Eid (that should be over by now), I have been catching up over lunch/coffee with both local and non-local friends and teachers. So that's good. I have also been going to the beaches pretty often, driving my boyfriend to his favorite surf spots most of the time.

Couple of weeks ago, i started taking an interest in the final days of Nguyen before his execution - Kenji thinks i'm such an 'auntie' for caring for all these unnecessary social issues suddenly lately. Well truth is, i get attracted to any news reports that have the word 'Singapore' in it. And lately The Mercury, the local newspaper that hardly reports on Singapore, has been condemning Singapore over the number of heads they've executed. So that drew me more into such social issues + roused a great desire in me to reply to those articles, of course. And other than being such an auntie, I have also been making regular visits to the Hobart city centre. Yes, shopping, window-shopping, coffee-ing, collecting brochures for some trips, shopping and more shopping.

So now that i'm just hanging around, you might be thinking, "what the hell?..." Well, i am by right waiting for the Grad Ceremony that is supposedly to be taking place sometime next week. Mum and dad have just confirmed with me that they're coming to Hobart - sorry Mar, i could have told you earlier if they had planned things sooner. You see, my parents (my entire family in fact) are the 'last minute' sort. So i didn't know anything about them coming to Hobart until just recently. Luckily they could get air tix in this peak season. But they still couldn't get seats for return. Ha...

So mum and dad and Asyraf will be here beginning this weekend. I have planned some trips for all of us. One of which i would really like to go and haven't been to is the Bruny Island charters where we are told we can see seals and all from a boat trip. Anita (my cousin) went for that one when she was here to visit me, and said it was good, so i'd like to try it too. I just hope dad's gonna be a bit adventurous about things here.These coming weeks seem to promise me a whole lot of fun and excitement, something different and something i am definitely looking forward to. Having said that, do check my blog photo albums out often as i'll update them from time to time. In the meantime, take care. Hope to hear from you all soon.


Luv from Marinah

Missing My Flatmate (Friday 11/11/05)

My flatmate left for the summer vacation on Wednesday 9th Nov. I have been home alone since then. Being home alone could be great fun but not when one's only flatmate's left the apartment clean and empty the unusual way he'd leave home for uni, work or party. So there was a significant amount of emptiness that filled the atmosphere at home that day. And at night, the emptiness intensified. At 12midnight that night, i was still up, lying down in the drawing room staring out at the sky, wondering where in the sky he would be at that time. The entire of Hobart too seemed unusually quiet. I was up for long that night before I finally fall asleep...

Eid in Hobart

Some Australian cities like Perth and Gold Coast celebrated Eid on the 4th of Nov this year. Muslims in Hobart celebrated on the 3rd instead. This difference, though unsure, is highly possibly the result of the variation of sightings of the new crescent on the previous evening that determines the end of Ramadhan that results in such disparity. It is therefore not quite by choice or an indication of some sort of disunity amongst Muslim Muftis in Australia that this day is celebrated on different days in different places.




Eid, or more appropriately, Eid ul Fitr, marks the start of Syawal, one of the twelve months in the Islamic calendar. Eid, commonly referred to as Hari Raya in Singapore, is celebrated after a month of Ramadhan by all Muslims worldwide.

Eid celebration in Hobart wasn’t my first this year though it felt like the first for everything. My first was about 3 years ago; when I and another Muslim girl, Azreen, were the only Muslim students we knew who were celebrating 1st Syawal in Hobart at that time.

Eid at that time was celebrated in the most un-commemorative manner ever. I remember having to attend school on the first day of Eid for exams, and later during the day went to see ‘The Ghost Ship’ at the Hobart Cineplex with a couple of friends to celebrate, but the end of exams.

Although Eid is literally celebrated for a month each year, with no transport means, Azreen and I could not really get anywhere outside Hobart at any time. So Eid was very meaningless given our inaccessibility to the re-located mosque, the tiny Muslim population in our circle, the absence of delicacies and the lack of capacity to pay other Muslims a visit even though there was plenty of time to do so.

But this year, things were slightly different. I celebrated Eid with my boyfriend and some other uni Muslim students who were practically stuck in Hobart because of exams.



On the morning of Eid, my boyfriend and I joined some other Muslims at the Hobart Mosque for Eid prayer. The prayer, followed by a sermon, was carried out at 8 in the morning, both led by a young Malaysian Imam whose performance was something I found quite admirable: confidently presented, concise English sermon, and a few superb recitations of some chapters of the Quran. Well done!



For the first time ever, I felt very proud of the young Imam for I thought he did a very good job considering the presence of other muslimin and muslimah who were mostly a lot older than him, and had come from all sorts of ethnic background: the more prominent ones being the Africas, Arabs, Australia, Bangladesh, India, Indonesia, Malay, and Pakistan.

At the end of everything at the mosque, we had a brief photography session, sadly amongst just us, the few Malay uni students present at the mosque. Then some friends and I drove over to Hera's place for breakfast.

Hera is this Muslim girl from Bangladesh/Pakistan whom I met a couple of years ago and shared a few ‘on and off’ units together in our first year at university. Hera has her family in Hobart, one of the few migrant families I knew and one whom I grew quite close to, over these years.



At Hera’s place, we were invited to self-serve from a table full of dishes. The dishes were a huge variety, very colorful, of different texture, taste and smell and were made of a wide variety of cooking methods. The dishes represented a complete set of traditional Pakistan breakfast apparently something commonly consumed during Ramadhan by the people of Pakistan.

Altogether food at Hera’s place was awesome though most were very spicy.

Hera’s family was as per normal, very warm and friendly. My friends and I spent some time at their place chatting and eating before we left for home, that is, as a retreat before our next visit.

Visits and feasts do not just end there. They will continue for the next few days, at least (for a place like Hobart) with the mosque gathering on the 20th of Nov, possibly the last of all feasts, something I look forward to attending.

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The celebration of Eid has so far dawned on me as having similar attributes as that of a party yet something a lot more meaningful and more soulful than the typical local parties I have attended over these years. In the typical parties here, guests could usually be found scattered all over a place doing their own things like drinking, dancing, drugging, and shagging, and most would end up not quite remember anything when they return the next morning.

Huge contrast with the momentous Eid celebration I have just experienced, I do to a large extent feel very cultured no doubt.

With that I thank God for giving me the opportunity to see the different ways in which people live, socialize and enjoy their lives. As for me, I probably find socializing my normal way a lot more meaningful and enjoyable than the other ways that I have seen.

May we all get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it.

To all Muslims, Eid Mubarak.

Thought i'd complete studies soon (Sunday 30/10/05)

Honours, Masters, Grad Dip? Apparently i'm still not tired of studying YET. Checked out course details on International Politics. Found 'Admission and Prerequisites' OK. Would love to do more on German Politics if there is. Or maybe even Environmental Studies. But when would i ever stop school and start working if i just keep studying? Don't want to depend on dad's finances anymore. No end. Confused...

Uni Invitation, Summer Hockey & Tapwater (Monday 17/10/05)

Mum sent me an SMS saying that she has just received an invitation from the university. What invitation?? It was a vague message - isn't it typical of mum – but I assumed it was an invitation for the Graduation Ceremony that would be held in December. Gee, why did the uni send out invitation so soon? And why was the invitation sent there? Probably because I forgot to change my mailing address. Damn it. It’s making me nervous as it’s making mum excited. Got to call mum and inform her to not get too excited because I might not pass and there might not be any graduation for me. Hmmm, but I do wonder what the invitation is like…

Bumped into Angela (Scott) at uni just now. She asked me if I was going to play for Summer Hockey. I’m still contemplating about it, frankly. I got a mail from Roger weeks ago asking for my participation in Summer Hockey that begins end of this month. I heard it’s not a competitive sort and a lot more relaxing as compared to last season’s. It’s even made compulsory that each team should consist of 5 guys and 6 girls. Sounds fun. But to think of playing hockey with white men, erm I’m not quite sure if I can do it. I’m quite scared actually. If the girls can be big and very aggressive, I really wonder what’s it going to be like playing with the men. What happens this time if a ball from free hit hits me?? I would probably lost a leg??!! L Last season’s injury took almost 2 months to fully recover…so I’m still contemplating.

This morning I opened the bathroom door only to discover my flatmate’s girlfriend taking shower. Luckily I didn’t see much as I closed the door quickly after seeing the bathroom light switched on and room filled with mist as I pushed open the door. Our bathroom door can’t quite be locked. And the tub’s tap’s leaking profusely so I can’t quite tell if anyone’s taking shower or not. Besides sometimes we keep the bathroom door close because of the noise of leaking water from the tap. No one wants to do anything to it. We informed the owner about it, and the owner replied by advising us some steps but to fix things ourselves and to our own expense. Who wants to do it? I didn’t come here to be a plumber. I’m leaving soon anyways.

Not such a happy post. Probably need to go home and sleep. But it’s a good day. Maybe will go home and do laundry instead.

Ramadhan 2005

Like past years, I decided to play safe again by starting my Ramadhan as Singapore starts its. Finding details of Ramadhan is simply as much a hassle as finding out just about any other information one might need when one is in Hobart. This is because this part of the world is simply too isolated for just about anything. Yes, indeed. The geographic location of Hobart has long led to a lowly populated and un-growing community. And until today it contributes to a far less supply for many a thing, yet a place still liveable nevertheless, and one whose people are easily forgiving, simply understanding and plainly tolerant towards this entire ‘remote’ situation. So like the unavailability of many things in this place, the lack of access to information source on Islamic events is only reasonable, considering it far less important than those sources of information ever fancied by the mainstream community.

Hah! The above is plainly an exaggeration of things! Well, it’s not that bad actually. There are at least two ways I can find out about Ramadhan and confirm details of other Islamic events here. The former Imam Uncle Sabri, and some fellow Muslim uni students are only a call away. And then there is also the Internet available at all times at uni (7 mins walk from home), though sometimes I lost trust in the information the Internet provides. You and I know that inaccuracy of details occur in just about any WebPages. And the Islamic Finder, although well established and well consulted is one such instance for it can sometimes confuse me with the variation of Daylight Savings. The local newspaper can be considered a source to Islamic info too but it is limited to just Islamic prayer times and nothing more than that. And even sometimes details of prayer times provided can be a bit of a mismatch to the time of the day. So I got quite sceptical of that. It’s all a big mess. Hence resorting to Singapore to confirm details of any Islamic stuff, particularly the start and end of Ramadhan, seems to be the best option given my laziness and can’t-be-stuffed attitude to ask around even if it means via the mobile phone.

Ramadhan as you probably would already know is an Islamic obligation in which submitters fast during the daylight hours. As its simplified English version, Ramadhan is more commonly referred to as the 'fasting month' amongst Singaporeans though 'fasting month' does not fully correspond to the meaning of Ramadhan. I personally prefer to refer to this special month as Ramadhan instead. Also particularly because I discover that its original term is more commonly referred to and is better understood internationally (even amongst non-Muslims) than the vague 'fasting month' that may also be referring to a ritual practise carried out by extreme Buddhist monks in Japan.

I started my Ramadhan at the end of Tuesday of uni Week 12 though my personal count begins Wednesday. Ramadhan in Singapore started on Tuesday night too. On that night I did some prayers, read some short chapters of the Quran, and stayed up all night – a method I so desire to carry out so as not to miss the 3am ‘feeding time’ given the lack of option to rely on anyone else (as people around me are basically non-Muslim). Besides it wouldn’t make much sense to ask these people to ensure that I get up at odd hours just to eat ‘breakfast’. Those hours are after all the time when the rest of Hobartians are fast asleep (of course except those who’re still out drinking!).

Ramadhan in Tas as I have experienced for the past 3 years is to a certain extent harder than Ramadhan in Singapore. Ramadhan here is accompanied with many different challenges, one in particular considering a lack of motivation that submitters in Singapore get readily from the society: the surrounding and even the media. In Singapore not only the breaking of fast with family and friends and the night prayers at mosques make Ramadhan enjoyable, but also the decorations, fairgrounds, and, feasting that are carried out almost everywhere in the country throughout the month help create a motivating atmosphere for all submitters.

The atmosphere in Tas is very different. There is no similar spirit shared by everyone else living around the Muslims and thus there is no motivation other than to create one amongst the submitters (or by a submitter individually) in order to help them ‘keep going’. Sometimes what could even be killing is to know that at the end of the month submitters like me, a Muslim overseas student, just don't get to celebrate the end of Ramadhan in a celebratory manner that I have always been used to. Having said that, my exams ends on the 31st Oct and that means I still have time to go back and celebrate Aidilfitri :)

Another significant effort needed when carrying out Ramadhan here is, apart from having to wake up early ALONE just to cook ALONE, eat ALONE and clean ALONE, I am also my sole dependence in preparing of food for the break. I usually start preparing food an hour before Maghrib (sunset) but that is also the time when I’m usually half-dead. Unlike in Singapore mum has to be (or rather is expected to be!) the strongest person because all preparation for the breaking of fast is relied primarily on her. The rest of us usually contribute only a small part of it, resting around on sofas most of the other times. But today I am my mum. Similar to the duties she would carry out on Ramadhan, I ensure that I cook something slightly different too; something more exquisite or more delicious, even if it means having to think hard for ideas and cooking for only myself. And because of the desire for a variety of dishes, particularly those different from ordinary daily meals, I tend to spend more money on groceries in Ramadhan when I should actually be saving more.

Though Ramadhan in Hobart seems to take up a lot of effort on myself, by myself, it is nevertheless an average amount of effort required on the other ordinary days. I am in spite of everything living independently overseas – a situation hard to describe and one only clearly understood and greatly felt amongst fellow overseas students. But this experience is good though as it is to a great deal constructive especially with regards to my future self. It tries me out on real situations where I can roughly gauge where I stand as an adult and the extent to which I could carry out duties submissively, without having to rely on others - basically an early assessment on my current inner strength. Hopefully this will help determine the amount of effort I need to put in before others can start to count on me. In the end it is not only for myself but also for the rest of the people who will fall under my responsibility in future.

Believing that I am after all on the safe side of the Islamic calendar, I shall continue fasting till the end of Ramadhan according to the estimation for Singapore. Ramadhan will not get any easy as daylight hours will continue to extend extensively as Summer approaches. This also means that sunshine can be scorching hot, and the surrounding climate in Hobart can be very dry. Yet I know that this is not the worst times of the year for a person to be fasting as I have experienced a worse one before *Fasting in Hobart in December can last over 15 hours a day* But that experience will only remain as a driving force to keep me going. May Ramadhan 2005 be a time for me to gain more internal strength and increase my devotion to God.

Ramadhan Mubarak


Reference:
Map reference, CIA - The World Factbook, Available [Online]: http://www.cia.gov/cia/publications/factbook/geos

A Reason To Smile (Saturday 08/10/05)

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I'm at ease. My desire to complete all assignments before Ramadhan has been achieved. Quality of assignments is totally another question though i am usually very particular with my scores and would prefer to obtain Ds and HDs in assignments because i don't usually score in exams. But it's alright. I am enjoying Ramadhan now and going through my interval period - my usual slow self requires some time to set myself mentally prepared before i start to focus on the next task which is exams, so all's good. And exams this Sem falls within a week of the 2.5 week long of the usual uni exam period. It's quite a squeeze! But i have faith in myself nevertheless. I know i can do it. And after exams uni is totally over for me. But that is if i pass everything, which i should but sometimes i just lost the strength to fight and compete with my own self knowing that i'm turning into a housewife as soon as i settle down. So what's the degree for, many would ask. I choose to say it's only an investment for the future, alongside the process of the investment, i get myself a good husband who will help me turn the degree into something more meaningful than to earn material wealth and financial security that has no limit. And in my own way, i hope to pay my parents back all of their effort in providing me with good life and opportunities i would never get if i was born somewhere else, though i know i can never equalise the amount they have given me with that of mine.

##
Later today I had a chat with boyfriend. We decided on honeymoon at Bawean Island, to check out the origins of my ancestors which only actually make up 25% of my mix. I'm quite looking forward to going to Indon actually despite the Bali bombings which i think shouldn't occur in Bawean as it's not a tourist destination, unless some crap human decided to make the headlines.

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Josh, if you happen to read this blog post, this one's for you: I'll write to you soon. Sorry it's taking me ages but apparently i've got lots to say in mine, so still constructing. Thanks so much for the email. I hope you've settled down, i mean, with regards to independent living. It's hard i know. But everyone who has to go thru it will naturally settle down sooner or later. I wish you the best of luck. Hope to visit you some day soon. Will let you know if plans crop up. Hope you're well. Will write to you soon. Take care, miss ya heaps.

So Stuffed (Sunday 25/09/05)

It's the end of Week 10 at uni...this means we've got 3 more weeks to go before Semester 2 ends and then uni will close...F.O.R.E.V.E.R...for me. I have been stuck, hibernating at two venues everyday of these recent weeks; if i wasn't in my bedroom, i'd be in the Arts computer lab doing my work. How sick! And all household chores will have to wait until my hibernation period is over - I haven't been cooking, haven't been eating well, haven't had the time to do groceries, haven't spoken to many people, haven't had enough sleep, haven't been living in a clean environment, haven't had lots to wear...all just so haven't! I'm going crazy YET I STILL HAVE TIME TO WRITE THIS BLOODY POST! Will write a better post next time...till then,
Stuffed,
Marinah

I Guess I’m Wiser…(Thursday 22/09/05)

When I was younger, I always thought I’d be married at 21, have 4 kids and be a housewife. Now I’m 5 years past that age, still unmarried, living abroad, and having fun. Do I still want to be married as much as before? No. Do I still feel like having kids as much as I did? No.
My values have changed. I’m wiser…perhaps?

St. Kilda, Melbourne

Enjoying every bit of my last piece of Toblerone on bed, I decided to walk over to my desk, then turned on my laptop and thought I should probably fill up this category with some more experiences that I had as I traveled than to keep filling up my ���Journal Entry��� with crap.

���This isn���t going to be the most recent news and for that you might probably find it rather irrelevant but for me it is definitely worth writing as a blog post, for it helps recall and hold those memories I had while traveling around some other parts of Australia that I had never been to,��� I typed as I started this post. Took a sip from my Recharge by Sprite bottle, I then continued, ���For this case, it is a bit contradicting to say ���had never been to��� though cuz the Melbourne Airport is one place I used so often for flight transits, but never really did step out of it cuz I was just not quite curious to discover the city.���

I arrived in Melbourne on a Saturday afternoon, a couple of months ago (on the most expensive airfare���erm, not deliberately), picked up by my Swiss cuz, Anita, who arrived a couple of days earlier (who was also the sponsor of all of my expenses in Melbourne including a return airfare), who then brought me to St Kilda where we were lodged for the next 3 days. My plan in Melbourne was to accompany her for a very short while as it was a usual uni day and I didn���t want my studies and assignment plans to be interrupted. But familial relationship had it that I would be expected to go out of my way to welcome relatives who came from abroad on a social visit, particularly to see me, so I (sort of) had no choice but to join her at least briefly in her travel in the country.

I continued to type my story as I recalled bits and pieces of what i felt about the place when i was there.

���As soon as I arrived, I found Melbourne a bit outlandish. Because unlike home, Melbourne was a place so odd to me as there were so many Asians and I was no longer the only foreign-faced around :( Sounds very conceited? Maybe, or maybe not���I was probably just too accustomed to being the only odd one out after having lived for years in this island commonly referred to as the whitest state in Australia. And because of that I probably find it hard to live in Melbourne (luckily i don't have to), and at times so odd that it contributed to an air surrounding the environment making it so uninteresting as I walked around������

���As I was typing this, I was interrupted by the noise of bottles clanking outside my room. Must be my flatmate, removing bottles from the kitchen onto the black recycle box placed outside the front door, busy cleaning the house. I stopped to listen. And from where I am at the moment, I could hear him walking to the front door many times to discard beer bottles from last night���s party. It���s 3pm on a Friday afternoon now. He has just had all his friends left the apartment. Sigh. Finally, I thought. They were all very drunk last night. Small Bitch even spewed on our clothes��� line, soiling some of my washed clothes with some brown stuff and bits of rice grains. Shame on her; spewing up just like a 17-year-old girl new to alcohol, I thought. I just felt like telling her to grow up, know her alcohol limits and control herself as a guest. It was a good thing she didn���t stay here overnight or I will have her clean her puke on both our as well as the neighbor���s verandah (downstairs) as soon as she got a bit sober.

Well, so much of an aside, the distraction must have extensively interrupted you as much as it has to me, so sorry, I shall come back to my 'Melbourne post' now...




���Anita and I did the usual girl-y thing that we didn���t get to do much in Tas: and that is, shopping, of course! When I arrived, we went shopping right away for some very light clothing ��� I wasn���t prepared with not even one (light clothing), thinking it wouldn���t be so warm that walking around in a bikini seemed to be more than appropriate! Then on Sunday we went shopping again but this time it was at Melbourne���s Sunday markets where there were so many interesting things to look at and they were all so cheap that it was very tempting to just buy anything even if they were unnecessary. It was fun. We took the famous Melbourne trams (pic on left with cuz) to get to these places, and that was when I found out that most of the tram drivers were not Australian-born because of the different yet distinctive accents that accompany their English each time they made announcements and funny comments to passengers onboard.���

I stopped typing...flatmate still busy cleaning, and i took another sip of the Sprite drink. Was that all that we did, i asked myself. Sounded boring. I couldn���t quite remember much by now anyway as I didn���t spend such a significant amount of time in Melbourne. But I should say I clearly remember this one,

���I was supposed to go for Jack Johnson���s gig on one of the days I was there. My friend, Tempei, was also in Melbourne at that time to catch JJ���s live performance. I was supposed to meet up with him (he was also in St Kilda at that time) to go together but changed my mind in the end as he was going to be high on weed, and relying on him to get me home safely that night was not such a good idea. I let the evening pass without regret, enjoyed myself in my own way and soon that night I forgot all initial plans, kept myself occupied in our all-girls dorm by writing ardently on this American boy���s geopet passed to me by Josh Woollan. The next day however, I thought I really should have gone for JJ���s gig ��� I simply forgot that he (JJ) was an American and the coincidence of the date and time of his performance and my presence in Melbourne shouldn���t have taken for granted!!��� Yes, that then became my biggest regret ever since.

No other significant things that took place, I decided to conclude my 'Melbourne post' by writing down a significant yet surprising thought that had accompanied me the whole time i was on board the plane.

"I just couldn't wait to be back in Hobart. Was over the moon when i saw big pieces of green land and yellow patches of low-lying plains as the plane flew over the central land areas of Tasmania. Yes, I have never been happier, and felt so glad to once again be back in the place i call home."

That afternoon, i arrived safely at the Hobart Airport after an hour's journey from Melbourne with Virgin Blue. I was welcomed with open arms by my beloved boyfriend who actually reluctantly permitted me to go to Melbourne to accompany my cousin as she did her another round of travel in Australia. But I was glad I went. I saw what Melbourne has to offer, but home is still the place i like best...

Bored on the first day of the mid-sem break (Monday 29/08/05)

It’s 9:15 on a Monday morning. I flung the front door open, wide enough to have caused a brown thing on the floor near the shoe rack to move. Must be a spider I thought. It was brown and rather flat looking, with a small violin-shaped body and eight widely but firmly spread legs, it appeared pretty much like a palm-sized brown recluse . And for that I would say it is quite big, and appeared rather venomous as compared to the kind we would get in homes in Singapore. I then had a closer look at it to ensure that it was what I thought it would be because I haven’t seen any of these creepy crawlers in my home for a while this year.

I’ve just arrived home after staying overnight at a friend’s place subsequent to watching Kill Bill. Puke! It was such a gruesome movie; I fell sick after that and took comfort on my friend’s couch in the lounge and that was how I ended up spending my night there. Anyway I wouldn’t have braved myself to walk home alone in the dark either as it was a little bit too late and too risky.

Because we started watching the movie only after Australian Idol ended, I ended up sleeping later than I normally would and so was still feeling sleepy when I arrived home. I felt like going back to bed but couldn’t because of the strangeness of not having to rush to school at 9 on a Monday morning that got me on the alert. On a usual Monday morning I would have Comparative Political System tutorial class to attend but because the university is having a mid-semester break now, we’re all free to do whatever we want to for a week.

Too free in fact, it already got me bored on the first day of the break. Kenji and Tempei have left for the beach to surf – I could not be bothered to tag along. I would rather be home to do household chores, cook lunch, write minutes on the recent Jap Soc meeting, and work on essay assignments. Not free after all…In fact there are other things to think about too; Joel is having a curry night at his place tomorrow evening before going to the movies, I might as well spend some time thinking about a nice curry dish to bring to his place tomorrow night, and probably think of what to wear to the movies too.
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It’s 12:41pm now; I’m off to bed. Good night.

The Conservative’s View of A Gay Friend…

Have you ever been told of something you find hard to believe? Well, I have…just recently. Let me tell you the story…

I was told that a good friend of mine is...gay. Apparently the person who told me this had kept it to himself for a year before finally letting me know that that friend of mine is gay. According to him, he was waiting for the right time to break the news, fearing that my conservative mindset will never allow the friendship with that gay friend to grow if I was told earlier. I don’t know why the informer had badly wanted me to keep that friendship but probably he fancies seeing colorful personalities in my circle of friends. So upon the disclosure of the gayness of a friend, I was at my superficial self where I took it openly, handled it well but before long, I lay miserable in my room all alone, thinking and re-thinking…why does he have to be gay, I asked myself. And what does it mean being gay?

That gay friend of mine does not possess any gay attitude as far as I know. Neither does he appear gay nor talks like one. In fact he has never expressed any sense of gayness to me. I shared a few classes with him in the entire of my undergrad life but not once had he expressed his opinions on, or backed homosexuality. So I was obviously surprised to learn that he is a gay, nevertheless the frail look of his built as well as the fact that I could hang around him without ever feeling uneasy might have given away as clues to the fact that he is gay. I can’t say that those thoughts never did crop up in my mind but each time they did, I brushed them aside, not allowing any single moment to think of possibilities of him being gay.

As soon as I was informed that that friend is gay, I couldn’t help but to try to recollect the past and recall everything that may have revealed his gay-ness. I also wondered if I had said anything anti-homosexual that have hurt his feelings that might have led to his reluctance to reveal his sexuality to me. The whole situation then became complex. I was not only thinking of the past but also trying to foresee what it was going to be like when I see him the following week. I wasn’t sure what sort of gay he is/has become and hence wondered how I should behave towards him, or more importantly, I wasn’t even sure if I could pretend as though things were normal!

The next day I was just getting more and more paranoid with regards to people in general as to whom I can trust according to what I see. Because within 24 hrs of the news I became paranoid and started wondering if all these people on the street that I saw weren’t straight…

To be honest, that gay friend of mine was not the first person I know who is, or have turned into, a homosexual. But I refused to acknowledge “that fact” about him because not only was I preferring to believe that he was just pretending to be one but also of my critical views of homosexual friends that I never wished to think of a friend like him that way.

I tend to have biased perceptions of friends who identify themselves as homosexuals simply because I strongly feel they are just pretending to be a part of this supposedly in-thing without really understanding what goes on in the homosexual world other than knowing it is a world where ‘people are sexually attracted to people of the same sex’. And with such surface understanding of this seemingly developing fad, it would not be wrong if I were to say that becoming a homosexual is thus an unnecessary move (for my friends, at least) as it seems to be aiming at nothing more than purely for the sake of public interest.

Because by identifying oneself as a homosexual I think my friends not only presume they could be provided with instantaneous identity that deputizes passports that immediately relocate them into a changing but controversial society, but also think they are given opportunities to be the society's center of attention for having the power to exploit the controversies of homosexuality and particularly now that it is getting increasing consideration (predominantly gays) from the media and politics for being “oppressed minorities”. And if it was ever an in-thing, my dear gay friends, please do tell me to what extent is it really in vogue to be in the small world of “just men”, playing the gay game in search of fellow man to ‘play and be played with’ as I have yet to understand this as normal, fun looking and cool sounding. Is this the modern sense of fashion and identity?

But with regards to friends who have “sincerely” turned into homosexuals, or are already “serious” homosexuals when I became friends with them, in my eyes they all share something in common: they seemed to have chosen homosexuality over others as a solution to personal problems, more often after losing out in the undeclared but universally acknowledged competition to feel belonged and needed by people of the opposite sex. For some, they seemed to have given up the competition without even competing; where they effortlessly surrendered their sexuality simply by changing its direction, whether or not taking advantage of the fact that homosexuality is a developing fad and an expanding herd.

Changing direction from straight to homosexuality is, as I choose to believe, largely psychological. It is just like how we allow ourselves to be what we think we are, and then we start to feel like one, and act like one and then we get treated like one. And then that’s how we all end up being the person we think we all are. As for me, I allowed myself to believe that girl friends sucks big time (sorry girls!). I directed my expectations and opinions of, as well as behavior to, girl friends in my own way, not realizing that consequentially I shut all trusts and opportunities I had of good girl-girl friendship off my mind. Overtime I became a hardcore believer that girl friendships are never for real and that boys make better friends. Similarly, my sincere homosexual friends are the result of self-controlled minds, given time and opportunities, they ended up being concerned with (in this case, feeling attracted to) whatever they’ve directed themselves at.

Although my homosexual friends may, on one hand, seem strong-minded for having the power to control their mind to homosexuality yet on the other permanently possess an initial failure to general perspective of sexuality that may have overpowered my sights to see them as weak and defeated.

So this gay friend of mine, I’m not quite sure where he fits in though I heard he is a serious gay who, since young, has never possessed any interest in the opposite sex and as of now, goes after another male species for sex. It is a vague account of his gayness nevertheless; I would still persist to prefer to believe that he is just pretending to be a homosexual until I hear about it openly from the person himself. I may seem conservative and stubborn for refusing to accept his seemingly supposed nature. This nevertheless does not prevent me from respecting him as an individual or keeping him as a friend if it was ever true he is a gay. I love all of my friends and am open enough to accepting people of all walks of life in my group of contacts as long as they are of no harm to me. As of now, I probably need a little bit of time to adjust my mindset to accepting the fact that my good friend is gay, but that will also depend on the rationality of his reasons for being a homosexual. Because I believe there are grounds for us to be anything we have directed ourselves to be, but unfortunately to me “having no interest in the opposite sex” is as unconvincing a reason would be as it is easily contested following all rationality even though it may be enough for him to come to pass as grounds to convince himself that it is one reason to be a gay.

It snowed in Hobart (Thursday 11/08/05)

I went up the mountain yesterday. I know that was crazy but i did.

I could barely move due to the foot injury i got from hockey the other day. I suppose the supporting ligaments and tendons of my right foot may have been injured or even worse, a bone may have been fractured. The injury affected not only the foot but also within 10 cm above my ankle - i could hardly support my weight whenever i tried to walk on it, and would feel severe pain when moving the joint. Yes, it was that awful. And you know what, i was not enjoying every single moment of it. It was totally a devastating experience.

And it's even more devastating when i saw snow falling outside my apartment after a long, hot shower yesterday morning. A moment i had been waiting for, for 3 whole years, and my wish finally came true. I have always wished to see snow showers from my bedroom window as soon as i wake up one morning during winter. And yesterday seemed to be the legendary day in Hobart. What was more interesting was to know that i was not the only one getting all excited seeing snowfalls outside my home, the locals here were too. But damn! If only i could walk, i would have gone out to play with the snow.

And so on that day, my sympathetic boyfriend got his mate's car (as his car was sick and dying) to drive us up the mountain. I was, of course, limping the whole time i was there but the boots that i was wearing were so tight they lessened the pain; it made me slightly walk-able than before - thanks to the boots I bought 2 yrs ago: still in good shape and have always been useful *Well it better be because it was damn expensive!!* On the mountain snow showers was fairly heavier than the one outside home, and i had a lot of fun playing in the snow.

Yesterday credit went to boyfriend of course, for his humanity and thoughtfulness, and his eagerness to show me the beauty of nature, something he knows is of rare and precious experience to me.

Shit I'm Injured! (Monday 08/08/05)

Ouch! Opponent’s free hit hits my right foot. Great, now I’m injured! It isn’t my first injury in hockey but this time the pain seems to be more severe than all of the others I have experienced…

But because I thought it was just a minor injury that will go off very soon, I didn’t really care and so continued playing the game. But soon after that I realized that I couldn’t even walk, so I had to limp across the field to get to Roger. Little did I think it would be quite so serious therefore I just rubbed the injured area when I was back resting on the bench.

After having given my consent, Roger put me back in for the start of the second half of the game. But shortly I limped back out of the field (again) saying to Roger that I couldn’t play because it still hurt. Roger then grabbed a pack of ice; I removed my shoes, socks and shin guard for both of us to have a look.

My foot didn’t look too bad, but it definitely hurt on the inside. The melting ice packs that were placed on my foot sure helped lessen the pain but it also further added the coldness of the surrounding atmosphere that it made me shiver. And at times when a gust of wind blew in my direction, I just wished I had brought extra clothing or a big towel with me to the game to cover myself up. The lycra bodysuit and skirt that we had to wear was of little help though it was designed for the winter season.

Anyhow for most of the time, I endured the coldness of the ice ignoring the iciness it brought upon me almost certainly because the pain was a little bit too intense. Simultaneously I felt so helpless, I wanted to heal quickly so that I could play again but from the look of it, there was no way that it was going to heal so soon. I ended up sitting on the bench with my beloved coach for the rest of the time.

And for all of the time I was watching the game, I was also feeling very envious of my fellow teammates for having the ability to run and play. As for me, I felt so disabled and pathetic having had my running abilities taken away from me. And that made me realize that I have always enjoyed running ever since I was as young as I could remember.

It was an easy game that night. The opponent wasn’t a strong team, so my teammates were scoring goals. Good for the team, but some of my teammates were catching up with their personal score, it made me feel threatened as a top scorer in the team for the current season.

I treated myself with McDonald’s Choc Sundaes and Choc Milkshake after that, not expecting the pain to worsen after arriving home and after having had both my shoes and socks removed.

The pain worsened that night, and especially whenever I put my foot down to walk. My foot swelled a bit. As for the pain, at times it would come and go, and come, and go again. And each time it got too painful, I would cry. That night I shed a whole lot of tears not from emotion but physical pain, something I haven’t felt for years.

He makes me hungry (Monday 01/08/05)

Kenji is sitting next to me now in the comp lab browsing through some web pages on whale sashimi. I feel so hungry each time he makes me look at some of the pictures of sashimi dishes on his comp screen. I feel like going to Orizuru tonight. Hmmm, how i wish Kotaro would bring home some Jap food tonight since he's now working at a newly-opened Japanese restaurant in Moonah. I hear my tummy growling...

Umpired without knowledge! (Friday 15/07/05)

Umpiring hockey wasn’t easy. I realized that there was nothing to be nervous about as a game player yet much more when one has to be on a sports field/ground as an umpire to a game. I was down to umpire a hockey Grade12 girls match on Friday – I got an email message from Roger, my hockey coach, just 2 days before the match that says I could ask someone else to do it if I do not want to umpire this Friday at THC2 at 1700. 2 days wasn’t enough to ask around for a switch in duty, I thought. So I just braved myself to go and get it done even though I knew I didn’t have much knowledge with me to be an umpire to an official hockey game. Roger himself knew that I was new to hockey, in fact the first time I was asked to play a match, I went straight up to him and confessed that I have never played hockey before, but added that I played netball and did a fair bit of cross-country in the past. I didn’t know what position to play in then and so Roger put me down as a left-winger based on the information I gave earlier. Well, that was then. And rules are rules! According to the Tasmania University Women Hockey Club, every player has to be down for either match-managing or umpiring in the entire season we’re playing for, if not penalty applies (fine and suspension 1 game) and stupidly I chose to do umpiring, thinking the officials weren’t serious enough to put me down to umpire any game at all.


So I had to do what I had to do, and on Friday I did this umpiring thing. I found out that I have every reason to be nervous that day (including the other 1.5 days since I first got Roger’s message) for I would be the source of not only a fair game but also one that should end in an enjoyable and memorable competition for all, rather than finishing with a complete mess and angry players, coaches and parent supporters all dissatisfied with my judgment. After all it is also going to be part of my hockey experience too, so it had better be good, I thought. And as I arrive at the hockey ground, I found out that my co-umpire was going to be late and that I had to start the game alone. I was devastated because I couldn’t wait to tell my co-umpire that I had no experience and that I needed him to do most of the decision and judgment. The evening got colder and colder (needless to say that Tas’ next stop is Antarctica which means southerly wind is icy cold…you know, how I think it freaking deceiving when I see pics of people taken when they were in other states of Australia, fully dressed up for winter, and pretending as though the places they were at were so damn cold! How freaking unrepresentative of reality could that be?!), anyways the cold environment wasn’t helpful in keeping me calm. I had no choice but to confess to some officials who were present that I was inexperience and could not afford to do it alone. After that, things got much better; some people offered to help but soon Andrew Price, my co-umpire, arrived. Things then went as planned. I didn’t do much except to act out some general signs to indicate the team that gets the hit. That evening went very long, well at least that’s how I felt. At the end of the game, I was asked to sign some official documents and that was when I realized that I couldn’t even write my name properly, needless to say signing my name, because my hands were practically frozen.

This afternoon i have just received another email informing me of my next umpiring duty (also listed in the local newspaper, pic above). Feeling butterflies in my stomach right there and then, i pray that God be with me on that Sunday morning on the hockey ground...

To Cradle Mt. for a short while

It’s Wednesday, 6th July 2005. I’ve just arrived home after a short trip in the bushes. I went bushwalking, where I did a fair bit of hiking too, for 4 days 3 nights in the western part of Tasmania, an area commonly referred to as ‘the most rugged and unexplored wilderness on the entire continent’.

It feels good to see life once again now that I’m back in Hobart. You can’t imagine how delighted I was upon seeing bright lights from a distant, and as we drove past shops and “busy” restaurants along Elizabeth St, seeing larger human population loitering the area and people all dressed up (for what I would now think it as) ‘fashionably’ made me feel like it’s been a long time since I was cut off from life in Hobart. And then I realized that being in the bush and highlands have really made me appreciative of the Hobart city, a feeling that hardly exists as this municipality that represents the capital of Tasmania is so damn dull!!

It’s strange that I could actually appreciate life in Hobart so much now when I hardly appreciate the low-rise buildings, the uninteresting shops – that are not only limited in number but also sell nothing much but local products and goods of local interest, the old buses and expensive taxi fares – that make up Tassies’ public transport and whose services are quite rather unreliable, the aged and dying – that fill up the city more frequently than the active young who are left quite unfashionable, and the clean streets – that are frequently littered with dirty looking male hippies appearing pathetic and constantly looking for shelter; in other words, I could hardly appreciate the same old little town in which I could easily complete window shopping within a very short time and one that turns from dull to dead when the sun sets.


A city I once found so characterless yet now seems all pre-occupied with characteristics of an urban area – how unusual can that be! I must have started seeing things the way the locals do, especially with the fact that I have just arrived from the bushes!!

Anyhow I feel very happy upon my return – happy to be back in Hobart, happy to have gone and returned in one piece, happy to have lived in the bushes and being so close to wildlife, happy to have gone to see the only region I was left with to visit as I have traveled to all the other parts of Tasmania, and probably happiest of all for having completed a trip to Cradle Mountain-Lake St Clair, a World Heritage Area situated in the western Tasmania, a place I have wanted to see so much since I first came to Tas.

My stay in the mountain was a great experience. The weather was awesome though it changed very frequently; yet frequent weather change had made my bushwalking experience more interesting than it ever did.

I did a couple of short walks – some half day walks, some few minutes walk depending on the number of sidetracks I had followed, and with just these short walks I came across picturesque sceneries, abundant wildlife and a vast weather change from cloudy to rain to sunshine and then windy and cold within just the few hours walk, within a small land area. It was cool and amazing but the whole time I was there on the mountain I was also hoping that it would snow; yet it didn’t.

There were also so many native animals that I met, that came to me, and that I fed – even though I was aware that I was not allowed to (feed these wild native animals) for many obvious reasons! Well, I’m not an animal lover but I guess it was all too tempting to show them a little kindness, besides encountering native wildlife such as the wallabies, Tasmanian pademelons and possums is rather rare given my day to day schedule which requires me to remain in this urban suburb, hence distancing myself from these native wildlife that are not only nocturnal animals but also are usually shy and unfriendly to us, human beings.

Yes, i have enjoyed my short trip in the bushes and would definitely love to revisit the place whenever possible.