Odd Questions, Grating Comments

Ramadhan is in a fortnight's. This means that Eid is coming real soon too. While Ramadhan in Singapore is without a doubt motivating, Eid in the country is on the whole enjoyable. And I am quite excited for it all. Though I may be excited for Ramadhan and Eid, I guess I am a little hesitant about looking forward to, especially with enthusiasm for Eid. I mean, let's just get to the point here: the presence of annoying relatives during Eid can sometimes make the entire celebration a bit shitty. For those who do not know it yet, I have a big family and therefore plenty of relatives. Unfortunately, most of my relatives are annoying blabbermouths. Though I must admit that it can get a bit funny how they chat about me and to me sometimes, but in times like the Eid celebration, their blabber-ing mouths can go to the extent of petering-out my capacity to tolerating them and hence accepting things as no longer amusing or whatnot. This year, perhaps just like any other years in the past, I can expect similar annoyance coming from these relatives. Well, it is not like I am hoping for the worst, please do not get me wrong. It is just that when certain things have happened and seemed to happen repeatedly, I guess it is not wrong any more for me to say that some things can be anticipated by now. Here, I am referring "things" to some so-called conversations I have always had with my relatives. The 'conversations' to me aren't proper conversations. They are more of odd questions and grating comments that somehow never fail to bring about negative feelings in me. Well, you might want to read the following 11 dialogues for better idea about what I have been saying here, but do bear in mind for some of them do sound rather repetitive (and can get quite vulgar, too, for that matter).


The following dialogues are part of the 'conversations' my relatives had with me in the recent years. Read on...



1. Situation: at someone’s home during an Eid celebration. Meet many relatives and soon one relative, called relative A, comes over to me and breaks the ice:

Relative A: so what are you doing now?
Me: nothing much.
Relative A: where are you working?
Me: I'm not working.
Relative A: you're not working??
Me: no, I’m a housewife.
Relative A: ohh…

Relative A walks away.



2. Relative B: (checks out my flat abdomen and asks) so any good news?
Me: no.



3. Relative C: so when are you having babies?
Me: later, why?
Relative C: Why later?! You must have them soon!
Me: ??
Relative C: I really want to see your kids.
Me: how come?
Relative C: I really want to see what they look like because it's half Japanese and half malay.
Me: ohh

(In my mind I was wondering if I really should have babies just to satisfy others’ curiosity of a Japanese-malay mix. Well, annoyed as I could be, but if relative C were to speak to me in a nice way, I probably wouldn‘t mind it at all. Otherwise, I would probably quietly say, "go fuck a Japanese to see it for yourself")



4. Relative D: so (you‘re) not working?
Me: no.
Relative D: so what do you do at home?
Me: nothing much.
Relative D: (looks very stressed out, then makes quite a big fuss about me staying home, supposedly idling)

...what‘s with relative D? Isn’t my staying home a matter that should only concern me and Kenji? Besides, if there were some others who really should be involved in this, they should be my parents and parents-in-law, no? I’m married anyway, and I’m not depending on a single cent of my parents' money, not since the day I got married. So why worry? *Well, if you're wondering what's going on here, I was only replying to relative D in my heart and mind because relative D is old (actually, so are the other relatives in this post) and that I am bounded by some Malay rules that disallow younger people to rebut or reply in 'such manner' to older people* Anyways, I continued thinking...that I am not relative D's child and besides, I give my parents some money. So I don't understand why relative D has to react that way. I was also thinking that I have been giving my parents the same exact amount every month and have been pretty consistent with it. So I did wonder if relative D’s children could do the same in future when they are married. But of course, I couldn't possibly say all these for I will be labelled as 'rude'.



5. Relative E: oh, you’re still not expecting? (looking a bit horrified)
Me: no
Relative E: my son who got married after you, and is the same age as you, already has a baby. I’m already a grandfather. (relative E smiles proudly)



6. Last year…

Relative F: so how are you? have you got a job yet?
Me: no (actually I didn‘t even try looking for one - but I don‘t usually say this part unless of course someone asks. But people here don‘t usually ask me that bit, so I never did say it. The funny thing is, people here never asked me further about why I wasn’t working/working yet but they do go around making assumptions of me and my not working-ness and then spread around their assumptions like it was a fact).

Relative F: my son is already working. He is now working in a bank.
Me: (did I ask?) how are you and how's your job?



7. Relative G: it’s been a year since you’re married.
Me: oh, yeah.
Relative G: so, how come no news of babies yet?
Me: erm, not thinking of having one yet, why?
Relative G: I really yearn to carry your baby.
Me: well, everyone wants to “carry my baby”. But I don’t want to, so what can you do?



8. Relative H: so what does your house look like? Anything Japanese?
Me: no (so what if it was/wasn’t Japanese anyway?)
Relative H walks away...



9. In 2002, I just came back from Tassie,

Relative J: oh, you look so skinny! Didn’t you eat whilst you were away?? Or have you just been feeding on Maggi noodles the whole time??

Relative J then laughed out really loudly.

I didn‘t answer relative J because relative J's questions were not about finding out why I may have lost some weight, that is if I really did. Also, relative J's questions simply seemed un-answerable and besides, they seemed intended only for mocking at me. And so I never answered relative J. But for the record, I did not eat a single bit of Maggi noodle or stored any Maggi noodle at all in my home any time throughout my stay in Tassie that year.



10. Relative K: What! You’re a housewife?? (Relative K gave me the look of, "What’s the point of you graduating university then?")
Me: (wondering why relative K is so mad at me)
Relative K: If it was me, I wouldn’t allow my daughter to be a housewife!! If she wants to be a housewife she can quit school right now and go get married.
Me: (whatever, relative K. But I really wonder if your daughter can get married anytime now if she was to quit school NOW. I mean, firstly, who wants to marry your daughter apart from her boyfriend. And secondly, even if he wants to marry her RIGHT NOW, he couldn't because he is jobless. So keep the worry till later, relative K. We'll just wait and see…)



11. This one has got something to do with my sister, Murni, who has plans to get hitched sometime, perhaps, soon.

Relative L: so, when Murni gets married and her husband and in-laws to-be come over to Singapore, you and Kenji will have to move to your parents’ flat for a while to let them stay over at your place.
Me: (wow! I really didn‘t know that relative L has plenty of free time to think for us. Anyway, I ignored relative L's 'suggestion' for I think it is our place that relative L is talking about. Besides, who is relative L to make such decision on behalf of us, for us.)



So, you see, the above dialogues are the things that have made me say the thing I said above, and that is, "I am a little hesitant about looking forward to, especially with enthusiasm for Eid". Although I may have had coincidentally portrayed a negative image on my relatives, by writing down the above dialogues, I guess I have more or less shared some real sides of my Eid celebration with my readers (am I the only one in this world so unlucky to have such relatives around?). Unfortunately it has always been that way since I was young and sadly such 'conversations' take place almost all the time on festive seasons. It is a sad phenomenon, I really think, because I grow up understanding festive seasons as times when relatives come together to catch-the-fuck-up on each other. Then again, without these relatives, I probably wouldn't be who I am now, stupid that is, and without Eid celebrations, there'd be no fun. Also, my life would possibly be a bit too peaceful and perhaps even more boring to the extent that I get no motivation to getaway from all these. Yet sometimes, too, I do wish my relatives can be a bit more cultured so that the relative-ties stay bonded and the younger generation can have good times together.