Saturday, July 14, 2007

Married For A Year

Today is our wedding anniversary. Today, we turn a year old as a married couple. Life being married has so far been great. Of course there were times when we argue. But overall, we truly enjoy life as "man and wife". Right now, home is still occupied with just the two of us. We are not planning to have babies yet as we are thinking of moving out of Singapore to a place where surf is great for Kenji and nature is abundant for me. So until then, it would be just the two of us.

As I start to type this out however, I truly wonder if I was going to write about it each time 15th of July comes. If so, I guess I will probably end up repeating some aspects of my marriage, which makes blogging my wedding anniversary each year rather pointless. My blog has bore enough readers and so I guess I should just avoid it.

But on the other hand, I reckon it is not too bad an idea because I get to keep track of the progress I have made in my marriage year-by-year, at the very least. But I don't know yet. While it is particularly wicked to leave anniversaries un-blogged (or blogged, for some), anniversaries in spite of everything make THE dates in our lives and the stories in our blog. As for me, I guess I should be explicated for this one because this is only my 1st wedding anniversary...

So here I shall reminisce about my wedding and write about what living for a year as a married person has been like. With that, I shall put aside the contemplation on wanting to blog or not about my future wedding anniversaries till later.

Our wedding last year was quite typical of the Malay weddings in Singapore. There was the solemnization on Saturday and wedding lunch on Sunday. Additional features to our wedding include city tour for our foreign guests, tea ceremony on Saturday, and Japanese dinner on Sunday night. The Japanese dinner was also to wrap up the entire wedding celebration.

On this very day last year, Kenji and I were surrounded by people we truly love. Be it family or friends, both local and overseas, they have traveled all the way just to be with us to see us wed. I reckon 'that' was perhaps the best thing ever to happen to us.

The other 'best thing' about our wedding to me will have to be the settling of all wedding-related bills before leaving for our honeymoon on the following Monday. I know many people worldwide have trouble settling their wedding debts. Many newly-weds bring wedding debts into their post-wedding life inadvertently. But I guess I was just lucky to have Kenji who worked so hard just to avoid all those. Thanks to him, we have been happily married since the 15th of July last year and enjoying every single day not having to work as hard just to pay off debts.

But as much as there are things to be happy and proud about, there are also things I have regretted over our wedding. One thing for sure, I regret not spending a bit more money on the tea ceremony. If I had, I would have had more local friends coming to enjoy the event with me. Well, what can I say, if only I had the money then...

A year has passed now and many things have changed. Cik Zul, the man who contributed so much to my wedding, has passed away. Ghee Wei, Marliza and Sarah (Halim) are now married. And I am Kenji's housewife, happier than before and misses the husband each time he is at work!

Last night, Kenji and I sat in the lounge to watch the video photo montage of our wedding. Well, we haven't seen the video for a while and so decided to see it partly because it was the eve of our wedding anniversary. While watching the video, Kenji and I got a bit tearful at one stage however, as we saw some pictures of our beloved family and friends who were around on both our wedding days. We missed them and missed the great times we had with all of them. The tears in our eyes just made us realized how wedding could make us so emotional!

The wedding photos also naturally brought us back to the wedding-week a year ago. On the pre-wedding days, Kenji and I were both busy not only for the wedding but also accommodating to friends who have just flown in from overseas. I remember being on leave from work about a week before the wedding just to be with Kenji's parents because Kenji was busy with work. I remember 'collecting' Masato at the airport on Thursday night and brought him to Kenji's place after that. I remember having Kotaro, Izumi, Lisa, Masato, Tempei, Nomura, Teruhisa-san, Keiko-san, Nurul and Nunun's friend, Selene, at my place helping the family out with some wedding stuff on the eve of the solemnization day. I remember Izumi putting henna on my fingers and Yati (Murni and Nunun's friend) doing the toes for me at night prior to the wedding! I could recall almost everything, and it felt like they have all just happened yesterday!

Seeing the video, too, made me feel like I was going through the wedding once again. I realized every single thing was fresh on my mind. I could also feel the ambiance so real. On top of that, Kenji and I were greatly reminded of the hard work we put in for the wedding as well as the hardship we went through in the entire 6 months prior to the wedding. Those difficult times we experienced such as settling down following our return to Singapore from Hobart seemed now relieved. The wedding photos touched our heart, really, and right now I just don't want 15th of July to end!

So it has been a year now since we got married. Marriage has been great for me. For a year now I have been Kenji's wife, and soon I will be celebrating my 1st year anniversary as Kenji's housewife. Being a full-time housewife though has made me realized how hard the job is, I never knew. In fact, I think it is the toughest job ever to exist in this world - just name any occupation from A-Z, and you get them in a housewife. Despite all that however, I am happier now. Though the happiness may be of small scale, I am nevertheless getting "a boost in life satisfaction from marriage" (quoting Lucas, R. E. & Diener E. in 'Are Married People Happier Than Unmarried People?'). Other than that, I am getting lots of privacy living with just Kenji in our Singapore flat.

Whilst some things have been good, there have also been those that are not exactly what I had expected out of marriage. In marriage, I have gained as much freedom as I have lost it. I may be free in many ways such as the way I discipline myself, or just do whatever I want to now that I am not quite bounded by my parents' unwritten constitution anymore. But now, too, for whatever I do, the consequences of my actions and behavior will affect not only me but also Kenji and the entire marriage.

Health is perhaps one good example for this. Being healthy keeps the marriage alive. But what is restricting is, to be healthy CONSTANTLY. And to constantly be healthy requires a lot of consistent work, discipline and self-motivation. So in other words, I may be free to do whatever I want to in life and to myself but I am still bounded by life conditions. And I have to think twice before making any decision and am fully responsible over my deeds and the effects they may cause to my marriage. Get me?

For the record, my married life has not been very different to my life back at uni. I have lived life as an independant person since 2002. I was far away from home and family then, and had to survive day-by-day on my own with the company of only dad's finances. So some things that I am doing now such as having full responsibility over home and household chores, having my own place and being responsible for myself, are not anything foreign to me.

Things that are different now would have to be making decisions with the company and cooperation of a husband. Looking for a flat, when dealing with rental stuff, moving homes and settling bills are all now the 'combined forces' of Kenji and I. Meanwhile household chores like cooking, cleaning, laundry and groceries are only different in terms of quantity. I am now cooking and cleaning not only for myself but also for the husband. As for money-wise, I will have to say, it does not come as easy as when I was depending on dad's finances. Other than that, what else have been different would have to be this: marriage has turned me into a somewhat dependant and independant person at the same time. I am now financially and 'companion-wise' dependant on Kenji, but I am also independant in some other ways I was not when I was single.

For the past one year too, Kenji has been a great husband to me. Thanks to his upbringing and 'un-Asian' lifestyle, he believes in no gender roles so he does household chores, too, such as cook meals on his off days, wash dishes and do laundry whenever I don't do them. I find Kenji quite a real person. He is honest, fun-loving, patient and not emotional. I like him a lot because he doesn't play games, and so we don't have cold wars. Other than that, Kenji's patience has helped the marriage heaps as I am not an easy person to live and be with. With his open-minded nature, it has been really easy to keep an honest relationship with him.

Having said that however, I thought I should add that the idea of marriage initially freaked me out a bit. I remember weeks before the wedding, I kept thinking it was the last time ever I was living my life as a single-status woman. The next time I turn single would be the time when I become a widow or a divorcee, which of course really scared me. Also, at the end of the solemnization ceremony, when everyone else around me were really happy for us and flashes of light kept coming from their cameras, I was still up on stage then, battling with some crazy thoughts and uncertainties about making the right decision over spending the rest of my life with Kenji. But I knew no one knew what was going through my mind at that time!

Despite being happily married now, I find the 1st few months into marriage quite daunting. I felt somewhat trapped then. I wanted to be single and free (I have always wanted to, so it is nothing new coming from me). But I knew such thoughts I had were merely 'psychological'. But things did become worse. At one stage of the marriage, the thoughts of requesting for a divorce surfaced and it did not cease to occur on my mind. I remember not being able to keep hold of the word "divorce" and so many times I mentioned it to Kenji each time I find marriage troubling me. But I thank God Kenji was patient and sensible.

Right now though, as I am typing this, everything is good, just as how life has been the past few months. Marriage is bliss. Apart from the happiness we are having now, we are not really trying for babies (like I have mentioned above) as there have been plans on moving out of the country, and we are just being sensible about it. Then again, "if it happens, it happens".

With regards to our one-year wedding anniversary, well, I thank God for giving me such great opportunity to enjoy a year of wonderful marriage. With that, I pray for continuous good health, lots of wealth, long-long longevity and long-long-long longevity to, as well as lots-lots-lots of happiness in the marriage. May God answer my prayer. Amen.

7 comments:

none. said...

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!! :D

Kenji's housewife said...

Thank you, Su!! :)

cyprusblade said...

Wishing the two of you happiness and love always.

"the Dude" said...

congratulations

I saw this blog, sounded interesting:

http://yanhasmonilaidler.blogspot.com/
"Malaysian wife, Australian life"

peace bless

Kenji's housewife said...

To cyprusblade - thank you so much! :)

To "the dude" - thank you. Will check out the blog someday. Tks.

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Radhika Sharma said...

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